fairsCaPe

Solo (earlier version)

2008-08-18T17:43:00.006-03:00

I am only an ocean .
Do not blame me
if I swallow you up .
I am pulled to you
by the same moon
that pulls you
to me .

And we heard she was such a strong woman ,
such a steady, level-headed girl .

I am only a desert .
Don’t curse me
if you lose yourself
in me .
I am burned by the same sun
that burns within you .

Such a good girl ,
never talked back to her mother .

I am only the sky .
How could I be
too blue for you ?
Don’t your reflecting eyes
make me what I am ?

Does anyone know what happened ?
How did she get like this ?

I am only alive .
Aren’t you ?

No ! No ! No !

compare Newer Version

chaotic discipline

2008-01-08T01:33:00.000-04:00

I do not believe
in spanking children
that is why
when I’m attending
a performance
and that bad girl inside me
starts whining over trivialities
I just hand her a pen
a piece of scrap paper
and tell her to just write down
whatever is bothering her

Mostly this works well

Sometimes she starts writing
notes to her co-attendees
but often you can see her
sitting quietly in the first row
furiously scribbling to herself

A lot of what she writes about
pertains in an acerbic way
to the goings-on on-stage
but sometimes she starts
dragging the most amazing stuff
up out of the bottom of my brain
putting it down on paper
for everyone to see

She calls this stuff poetry

when she gets home
she types it up
starts reading it aloud
sending copies off
to would-be publishers

I don't know what to do

fairsCaPe in motion

2008-01-06T21:09:00.000-04:00

Go to 3:45 of this video to see Jean and others dancing and playing with streamers while Ian Wilder performs "Threads" with Nylon & Steel. In 1997. Probably at the Unitarian Fellowship in Bayshore.

Reading of fairsCaPe's poetry

2007-12-31T14:11:00.000-04:00

By now you should all have your 2008 calendars. Turn to September and write in this event
in Northport, Long Island, NY on Friday the 26th.

The Total Child

2007-07-22T01:45:00.000-03:00

(playing with "magnetic poetry")

as music told me I came upon red hot winter squirreling
                                            no green flowers
that is dad’s coolest balloon bubble glowing inside of the
                                                   sad night
the crying live baby dinosaur was spring toy box summer day
                                                      yellow
clouded wet woman magic tells of my smartly down-turned
                                                sister’s sky
her one friend gets it in where faster mud flew with silly
                                                        rain
see on a joy nest owl song who’s stopping is a born snow lake
                                                       child
are they like man tree and are my cocoons fed funny blue grow
                                                       water
butterfly cried talk together whisper like a hearty gardener
imagine sun hat flew up home to aten, a far door bounce
I pull and jump and twirl and follow the little hand
his fed fat cat went peace happy or has she
an apple walked slow time for farm wing fly that went round
                                                        bed
she dogs get told to say I am cow castle dream
for if it is so big ate the fun had girl by play barn he
                                               started good
               love I have been silent color ran turtle
gladly pink mom frog star ball put dark light out
she saw pig eat for moon boy once he was top of dug
                                                   y were y
you went “ask ‘yes?’ and go in”                                 
                                                   y are ly
                                        end          
                                                  y were ly

poem in a datebook (apparent first draft)

2007-07-11T23:35:00.000-03:00

I guess now
I should be writing
grandmotherly poems
about
bright rainbows
sweet cream lullabies

soft rhymy poems
to lull babies to sleep

sing singy poems
about nothing more deep
than an ocean
so blues as to match
babies' eyes

about flowers
full meadows
pillow soft as a sigh

Two minds with one old plan

2007-07-06T14:53:00.000-03:00

The poet said
"pale and wan,
here it is,
two thousand and seven."
The poet sits
at a baseball game
with no change of clothes.

Today, May 21, 2007,
one hundred years
he and I recline here.
One group after after another.
Please help me to understand this--
my relationship with this tree.
My plan is to write.

Which nineteenth century poet died
of cervical cancer?

'pale and wan':
Where is she now?
my hands ...
Where was I then?
We only glanced--
struck by beauty
not pulled by its
coursing desire.
How not in our time,,,
How a time is authored
in a moment
in a hug
in a wheelchair.

The times change little;
Medications change little;
Pain is the same.

written for
 her memory
Knowing she would
 need it now
Knowing and worried
 about them

Northport, Long Island, July 8 & 18, 2007

2007-07-04T01:51:00.000-03:00

You are welcome to read fairsCaPe's poetry or poetry in her honor at the Open Mike portion of Art, Music and Poetry in The Park. Sunday, July 8, 2007. 12-5pm, Northport Village park, Main St. & Woodbine Ave.

Or at the Encore at the Northport Library (Laurel Avenue & Scudder) 7pm Wednesday, July 18

Sunday in the Park performance schedule

Dance

12:00 - 1:00 Middle Eastern Dance with Roni Yaari & dancers

Music

1:00 - 1: 25 Stu Markus

1:35 - 2:00 Matthew Fallon

2:35 - 3:00 Denise Romas

Poetry Reading

3:00 - 4:00 Dan Giancola

Graham Everett

4:00 - 4:30 open mic & a special tribute to poet Jean Schmidt

Music

4:30 - 5 Marie Delacruz

View and enjoy

Sculptor, Thea Lanzisero's Sculptor Garden/Virtual Gallery center lawn art installation

Stop by the 27 tents set up outdoors of fine art, crafts, photography and hand crafted jewelry

magnetic poetry on a cup

2007-06-23T01:59:00.000-03:00

be sausage blue and
purple water languidly
you soar diamonds
goddess friend

chanted peach beauty
& recall frantic storm
worship a smooth shine

gorgeous petal the sea
moment above the sky

love rain dream musically
mist next after from a
live only honey liked
rose easy garden did
light sings run let
near yet they were
fast him when like
needing picture was
wanting watcher ask
here moon use do

seed for her it me
his for she my we
as I am no lies

Continuation

2007-06-23T01:52:00.000-03:00

My wife, fairsCaPe, died May 31. Basically of caretaker syndrome ... taking care of everyone else first. Don't skip your checkups. I will post her poetry and also, on the now mis-named "HomeCareVent" the occasional bit of Sonnyboy news.
-CCCCppppCCppp (persistentfool.blogspot.com)

performance notes

2007-01-01T12:12:00.000-04:00

Dear Marion
how many times
has she clipped on
those cheap plastic
rhinestone earrings
when we were on our way
to some event or other
just last week
I saw the same ones
at a yard sale
"Estate Sale"
the sign said
some folks not much older
than us
gone now
their kids have no use
for such things
just like our kids won't
when we're gone
they're so far away
Jimmy in Canada
Wally in California
our twins down
in South Carolina
trying their luck
at the remodeling business
they won't want
any of our stuff
after we're dead
jeez I hate this shirt
I've been wearing it
for thirty years now
the collar's too tight
and forget my good shoes
Marion giving me hell
for putting on these loafers
I just couldn't tell her
I couldn't have tied those laces
even if I could've gotten on
those damned brown wingtips
my back's so stiff these days
and my feet so swollen
soon all I'll be able to wear
are my bedroom slippers
I guess I should be taking
those water pills the Doc's
been pushing on me
God I hope I die before she does
what would I do
without her
how could I sell
"those" earrings
she'd come back from the grave
to haunt me
look at old Harry over there
he's got his hair dyed yellow
looks like some damned surfer boy
Harry never had yellow hair before
the rest of these people
here today
won't be anywhere ten years
from now I bet
I haven't seen so many
old grey heads
since the last time
I was in church
when was that
last Christmas?
no last year we were
out at Wally's
that's one trip
I won't be making again
Shit I hate those
airline people
they act like you should know
everything
if I did
then why would I ask them?
I hope the intermission's
soon
these hemorrhoids
are killing me
I wonder if Marion
is enjoying herself
truth is
I really can't hear
anything
even with this new
hearing aid
when did
her cheeks get fuzzy
like that?
I can remember
when we met
she was so pink
so smooth
so perfect
now she's...well...
peachy
guess I shouldn't
have eaten that chili
for lunch today
I hope this piece
will be over soon
I gotta hit the can
maybe I should call
Ol' Doc Robinson
and talk to him again
about that...
that prostate surgery
I'm not getting
any younger
and I've got no
sex life
to screw up
anyways
unless
you count
helping Marion
unzip
her red dress
when we
get home
tonight

tonight the trees shall dance and we shall fly

2006-12-22T07:13:00.000-04:00

This night we whisper through crisp snow
To Ancient Meetings place we go
Sunshine has no province here
Nor does love, nor pain, nor fear
Fire reigns - breathes trees to air
Rendering night time brightly rare
Last Springtime came we here to start
Our ritual of human hearts

This Winters night we take our chance
We call live trees to come to dance
All through dark night we sweetly sing
Praise to Great Spruce - this forests' King
We make our olden rhyming sounds
Then watch fat trees lift off flat ground

Dear trees return our favor nigh
They wave their branches in black sky
Produce air currents mysterious strong
Lift us to fly this whole night long

Fear not our purest songs are lost
Make new ones now without a cost

Forget your logic science mind
In wistful whimsy answers find

legacy

2006-12-20T23:30:00.000-04:00

worlds which parents
wish to leave
their children
are never worlds
which children inherit

I have chosen
to bequeath my sons
a world
which was probably gone
before I was born

this world I fantasize
would have disappeared
accords or no

we have long been busy
puffing smoke out of pipes
spinning chemicals
in test tubes
ripping and raping
the very bones
of our planet

results are irreversible
irreparable
though hopefully
not yet
incurable

earth will ever bear scars
of revolutions resolutions

we are sentries of centuries
minders of millennia
our spokesman
should never be voiceless
we should not succumb
to dirt cheap
when diamond hard
is necessary

we have lost
our virginity

an earthwide
hymenoplasty
can never fix
only obscure
that truth

In the House of the RIddle Mother-poems to raise your serotonin level? self-published circa 1996

2006-12-19T10:39:00.000-04:00

Approximate Self

Approximate self hears voices within
just like you
answers each in turn
with songs of heavy submission
in nights of storms
of unexpurgated emotion

Approximate self searches for creator
just like you
calling into The Void
crying into The Night
with songs of plaintive dedication
to memories
of beads and clay

Approximate self dances in Darkness
just like you
praising creators
raising crops
celebrating life
finding a release of ancient energy

Approximate self found only in loss
just like you
shaking
sweating
shrieking
torn apart, torn down, torn away
separating elemental partitions
encountering its flesh

Fiat Lux

Approximate self listens to Music
just like you
impeded by cheap wine
cheaper talk
shhh!
hear birdsong blasting
intimate concentration within
without objective reasoning
separating out
extraneous
disharmonious shale

Approximate self wakes in morning
just like you
rock hard reality smashes myth
eluding pretension
present tense prevailing
avoiding questions deftly

Approximate self searches for Other
just like you
seeking consensual validation
telephone hours race airborne printout
retinal identification
birthright consideration

Approximate self slits its own throat
just like you
rejecting honesty
painting with false brushes
creating fake impressions
cheapening intimacy
soiling understanding
fails in impurity

Carpe Diem

sights seen - an old poem revisited

2006-12-16T04:34:00.000-04:00

liquid copper sunshine
ignites a grey crepe paper sky
informs our harbour waters
in an uncharacteristic
shade of peach
while white organza mist
lifts from its
pearlescent surface

in a nearby thicket
nascent buds
tipped with peridot dew
remind me winter
can not last

spring pleads with me
promising early relief
from this barren time

using memories
I have collected
to take with me
as I die
I imagine
a smiling blue sky
carrying a tickle
of warm southern air

fragrance of fresh lavender
crushed between fingertips

yielding spring of awakening greengrass
beneath my lover's hips

holding this season to its word

I will remain for now

other voices

2006-09-28T17:13:00.000-03:00

Yesterday I spied my lawyer
standing in the courthouse foyer
chatting up my ex to be
I asked
"do you intend to bill her?"

"Well bill and coo and maybe drill her"
he responded with inordinate glee.

"It's not enough she's got the car,
the kids, the house, and all my stuff;
must she have you? She's fairly stripped me bare."

He straightened up his tie
gave me his coolest smile and with a wink said
"Really John, I didn't know you'd care."

Frost line

2006-09-20T09:15:00.000-03:00

Every cause
its champions
every argument
its side
as madmen
raise armies
fences raised
make divides
something
there is
that brings
down a wall
something
to learn from
something
to recall
Jericho
Rome
Troy
China
Berlin
No walls
kept war out
No walls
kept peace in

equation for terrorism

2006-09-19T10:54:00.000-03:00

take 100 children
teargas 93 by age 5
raid the homes of 85
have 55 witness their fathers being beaten
beat 42 of them
shoot 31
imprison the brother of 28
detain 19
kill a family member of 3
multiply by 10
by 1000
by 100,000

take away
education
sanitation
health care
food
water

hand one a gun

menomorphosis

2006-09-06T13:34:00.000-03:00

Each night
my life
hot flashes
before
my eyes

present payment
for past
ridicule
as
radiation
has shriveled
my ovaries
into
little black BB's

now I regret
my harsh words
directed at
Those Women

"can't they take
a little heat?"

"what wimps"

now I know
and I am sorry

I look forward
to winter
( I always hated winter)

I can't live
without a/c
( I always hated a/c)

I am tempted to cut
my waistlength hair
( I always hated short hair)

I am becoming someone
other than myself

just after I thought
I had figured out
who I am

Hate Boat

2006-09-06T09:24:00.000-03:00

I came into this relationship
with enough baggage
to fill the cargo hold
of the QE 2

I picture myself
exiting this life
as I cross the River Styx
on that very ship

I will be its cruise director

I shall be in charge
of waiting little bistro tables
where two by two
all my in-laws
out-laws
and ex-in-laws
will be seated
smoke curling around their heads

empty cocktail glasses
full ashtrays
elderly non-relations
will beg my constant attention

drooping loops of crepe paper
dirty confetti
decorate a floor
where scuffed high heels tap
while hems of faded prom dresses sway
as they look for something interesting
to do
before they arrive
in Hades

I will be responsible
for keeping glasses full
ashtrays empty
and the music going

there will be a sort of big band
with odd instruments
that will all be playing
a different tune

no one will be dancing

it will be a vast room
of mysterious perimeter
I will not be able
to see an end
to my misery
as our crowd fades
into blind distance

our crossing will be rough
some folks will be sick
I of course will be in charge
of taking care of them
as they puke

many will be looking out portholes
searching for that final destination

all that they saved for
all of their lives
all the rewards
they had hoped to gain
wait just past their horizons

as sun sets
they will promise themselves
that-yes-tomorrow
when they awaken
they will find themselves
where they want to be

alas each day
will start the same way
party hats atilt
smoke still curling
band playing
no destination in sight
water still rough
ship pitching
from side to side to side

and they will all be asking me
over and over again

Are we there yet?

Why isn't the sky blue??

What is the Meaning of Death?

tears

2006-09-03T10:29:00.000-03:00

in school
a girl
would torture me
with unanswerable
personal questions
then giggle
whispering
behind her hand
to other girls

I cried

years later
she was there
where I worked
her mother
my patient
demented
young
dying

no giggling
no whispers

We cried

fored from fairsCaPe

2006-08-21T11:08:00.000-03:00

I have been to where
all is white. I have
seen my world by day
and night. I've been
to spots where trees
align. I have viewed
mountains as broken
spines. I am amused.
I fill my day. Eddie
see, I like to play.

cold passion-read once and throw away

2006-08-16T09:48:00.000-03:00

never at a loss for
paper
ink
words
I am a full time poet
and a part time human being

when I am taunted
by a line
not yet surrendered
to solid form
I nod distracted
gaze blank
as friend or husband or child
struggles for my attention

other writers understand this look
my focus past their left earlobe
my head bobbling
and they back away
while I race to scribble
that which will surely
escape
if not captured
in the moment

I try sometimes
to commit myself
to those around me
while poems
wash through my brain
with the persistence of the tides
but I usually wind up
asking a stupid question
like
How would you spell BOBBLING?
and they know I am gone again
exploring
my own inner landscape

so often as I snap to
I must apologize

I'm sorry...
What did you just say?
I was writing
when you began talking
and I just don't
understand
this conversation

as a peace offering
I read them
my new poem

You'll be the first to hear it...
It's been in my head
for a long time
mucking around
and now
it's completely congealed
and ready
for public display

this is their chance
to get even
and I often
am bombarded
with questions
confused looks
or worst of all
when I'm finished

the Ubiquitous

...That's very nice...

Hey!

2006-08-13T08:52:00.000-03:00

Where did everybody go?
I'm off the grid for a few days
and it's like I died.
On to the next...

or

Did the Dr. Bronner poem scare you?

Dr. Bronner- The Pope of Soap ?

The liquid castile soap
from the healthfood store
with all they tiny writing
on the bottle?

Since I can't link
due to td
(technology deficits)
you'll just have to
go google him.

It is ok to laugh
(at the poem)
or
anything else for that matter.

Weird post huh?

I know.

Oh well...

all one - dedicated to Dr. Bronner

2006-08-11T09:12:00.000-03:00

as we're raised in shame and sorrow
it is hard for us to know
that the promise of tomorrow
is the same as long ago
for the universe is endless
we are sum of all its parts
and we never need be friendless
love begins within our hearts

as we're taught to know our boundaries
it is hard for us to see
that we are the earth, sky, sea
let go of self and let self be
for if jesus is your savior
or if allah knows your name
or if buddha hears your chanting
know they all are one the same

as we've learned to be possessive
of ourselves, our things, our gods
we find nothingness elusive
we find beingness at odds
for old habits leave us slowly
if there's nothing to replace
what we cherished once as holy
we must learn to wear gods face

we are all
part of one
we are one
part of all
all of one
one of all
all one

sense

2006-08-08T11:38:00.000-03:00

There is a part of me
that never wants change
a part that wonders
where is my mother
where are my little children
where is my youth
where have my possibilities
gone

There is a part of me
that avoids
clocks
calendars
photo albums
any thing that reminds me
the present is not the past
that tomorrow
this too shall pass

There is a part of me
that shuns mirrors
as I always expect
to see a younger face
a child me
not my mother
not my grandmother

There is a part of me
that refuses
to accept
we are grown up
a part
that
never
will

This part watches
for robins in spring
and fireflies in summer
it listens
for crickets in august
and school buses in september
it sniffs the air
for burning leaves in autumn
and turkey at thanksgiving
it hungers for candy cane at christmas
and champagne at new years
it waits for the feeling
of snowflakes on eyelashes
and Valentine kisses

This part
is the immutable
living core
of me

It is
for this part
that the rest of me
keeps going
for one more
flash
chirp
smell
taste
touch

saturday morning

2006-07-23T20:04:00.000-03:00

a cascading cacophany of plastic bottles
perform a percusive duet
as they bounce arhythmically
on to white porcelain
after exiting
a mirrored medicine chest
announcing my attempt
at a quiet
early
exit

sorry

sh*t

mumbling

muttering

replacing

chest door squeeks closed
after opening silently

shhh

geez

...

damn

and no birds sing

2006-07-18T11:06:00.000-03:00

while you sleep
do you dream
of me
of secrets shared
of games
we played
I sat you on
my waiting lap
and nothing else
saw all the day

while you sleep
do you miss
my touch words laughs
while we're apart
as I marvel
at your lovely brain
I do forget
you have no heart

I can hold you
while you sleep
but
you're cold
you're quiet
you're darkly pale

le beau dell sans merci

you never
knew me
not at all
you only held me
in your thrall

alternative

2006-07-07T14:36:00.000-03:00

In the garden Euritredes
Flaxen Armouths pure delight
Nips the budding Viscaredes
Tends the trailing Anterbrite

Oh,my Love, Thy clans misfortune
Brings the Flindered River nigh
Close to our Beloved Disportune
Flooding plains of Basaryghe

Canst thou see the scattered Brashes
At once Pure and Vilified
Heaped with sweet Esxenocrases
Now with bitter Wispens lie

Round our ankles swirl the Waters
Swift retreat to Andercry
Love, Sweet Love, Sweet Youth, Sweet Daughter
Rest for now in Lullaby

silly me

2006-07-05T15:23:00.001-03:00

my garden's a glade
where nimble fairies
leap and laugh
from leaf to blade
hear unsurpressed giggles
tinkling through
a morning mist
in my window
trills of warbling
reasonable song
jump onto my pillow
eager as dawn
wakes me as sun
pours her newlit beams
through feathery whispers
of sassafras
pine dappling fairieland
in a patchwork of dreams
running up porch railing
with my honeysuckle vine

mind children

2006-07-04T09:00:00.000-03:00

hold playmates captive
in perpetual childhood
on sidewalks of memory

crisp old snapshots
faded home movies
black white color

fast takes
slow motion
frozen frames

imprisoned
in synaptic cellblocks
no growth no change

kept inside me
to play with
in everlasting summer

Ms. Appellation

2006-07-03T08:51:00.000-03:00

Who am I?

Do you know me?

I do not know my name.

Grandpa stole our family name
on WWI's battlefield,
no one ever spelled it right.

My patients call me nurse.

1st husband gave me his name,
gave it to our son.
I became Mom.

I lost my middle name along the way.

My first name really belonged to my aunt.

2nd husband gave me another name,
gave it to our 2 boys.

Now, Hubby gives me his.

I am Mrs. so and so's Mother-in-Law.

For some reason I have yet to fathom,
my neighbor calls me Janet.

I answer to every name I've ever had,
and then some.

Who am I?

Do you know me?

I do not know my name.

broken spell

2006-07-02T13:34:00.000-03:00

at museum exit
I must transition
from climate control
to chaos

a wild summer shower
engulfs me
as I pass through
this portal

an ambulance hiccuping its way
along main street
toward hospital
alerts me
I must wipe away
my raindriving fear
as a blade dispenses
a windshieldful of droplets

I yearn for safe irresponsibility

my passengerside door beckons
as I hurry across parking lot
but I must remind myself
no
I am alone today
my fate is steering wheel
engine
decisions

home is where I long to be
to empty my ice-tea-filled-bladder
now pressing against seat belt

more

I need to be home

done with this road

Arcing

2006-07-01T13:50:00.000-03:00

I was possessed
by possessions'
black ice
fingers,
that day you forced
me to unlock
promises
made only to myself.

Where you are now,
piloting
an open sea of dreams
fearful of blockades
and mutinies,
I have been,
circumnavigating
old wounds,
half remembered
love affairs.

What is between us is limbic,
otherwise irrational.

The answer is always
transparent.

Nearly poisonous.

Libidinous ghosts resume
their unforgotten forms,
eager to continue,
forgiving and friendless.

That hunger,
(like a snow covered walkway)
which drew me to you,
that I recognized, first;
then mysteriously ignored,
disappeared.

Disagreeable Confidant

2006-06-30T07:43:00.000-03:00

it has not been easy
to phoenix myself
out of those ashes
of my former life

it seems
there is always
one person
who knew me "when"
who will happily tell
anyone willing to listen
about my bad habits
lost loves
most embarrassing
faux pas

if only I could learn
to just shut up

roadside repair

2006-06-23T09:08:00.000-03:00

in early light
as I drove
round a bend
he was there
tiny
vulnerable
eyes wide
too young
he shrank
with fright
as each car
roared past

across the road
his mother
paced nervously
separated
by aeons
of technology
her other kits
tumbled
played
children
without knowledge
of consequence

sun assuming
its morning drive
position
traffic increasing

she had to decide
lose one
or risk all

with no time
to consider
my risks
I hit brakes
dust rose
as I pulled onto
gravel shoulder
grabbed beach towel
off seat
without stopping
to think
I jumped
from my car
ran to him
scooped him up
in soft folds
of clean terry
raised my hand
halted traffic
scooted across
deposited him
10 or 20 feet
back from the curb

mother vixen
ran toward me
intent on defense
then stopped
stared
quiet knowing
as I removed myself
from this family reunion

I returned to my car
door ajar
pocketbook
carelessly open
on the floor

I became aware
of dry mouth
heavily beating heart
trembling hands

engine already running
flywheel screeched
against starter motor
as I turned my key

shook me back

a fine mist cleared
burned away
by intensity

I looked up
to pull away

they were gone

Had it happened?

Was I dreaming?

soft red hairs
on my towel
answered

Chapter Five

2006-06-20T11:25:00.000-03:00

Will I always be so honest
about my age?

When a younger man
guesses wrong
off by decades
will I always
shake my head
laugh
then tell the truth?

When people see me
with my oldest son
and ask
"was that your brother?"
will I always
attribute their mistake
to his early maturity
rather than
my tenuous
hold on youth?

Will it always
be so hard
for me
to accept
the turn
of the years?

Will I always
be so honest
about my age
to others
and to myself?

queen of heaven

2006-06-13T17:13:00.000-03:00

all men are haunted
by living dead

that one woman
who it was "UH!" with...

it doesn't take much
to start her walking
a breeze
a scent
sight of long hair swaying

and there she is
and is gone

you fools

men console each other
yea bro, I feel you, it's Hard
when they think we're not paying attention

silly boys
you'd think they'd learn
we're always
listening

so you
listen Hard
little brothers

don't take
nothin' for granted

when That Woman
comes into your life
don't fight it

place stars around her feet

or she'll ghost you

forever

surfacing

2006-05-30T13:22:00.000-03:00

at times
even I
must come up
for air

those who have heard me read
or have slept with me
or know my life
might be surprised

but it's true

I always
try to come up
where it's safe

away from crocodiles
boat propellers
or eyewitness news teams

unfortunately
every now and then
I make a mistake

perhaps my timing is off
from waiting too long

under

my O2 too low
my CO2 too high
or nitrogen bubbles
burst in my brain
rupturing capillaries

how else could I have been so wrong

again

I rose slowly to surface
in a place made safe
(surely)
if not by nature
then by convention

and
WHACK!
I was hit full force
by paddles
in waters
I thought friendly

more acclimated to being under
I am back down
with a promise
to be more cautious
next time

home care

2006-05-19T09:00:00.000-03:00

home care

a creature

of temperature

pressure

he floats

hydroponically

embryonically

on cushions of gas

within

without

transformatively obscuring

prolonging

delaying

home care

2006-05-19T08:56:00.000-03:00

home care

Sonnyboy is at SBUH in MICU . He will be going to the OR at 12noon. He was still smiling when we left to get some sleep around midnight last night.I have a poem I will tyr to post on fairsCaPe. Thanks for all the good wishes.

goodbye and thanks

2006-05-12T15:39:00.000-03:00

To paraphrase Valery
No blog is ever finished
only abandoned

metaphysical tendencies

2006-05-11T19:36:00.000-03:00

Time is not real or natural

Just because you can arrive at a conclusion
does not mean you think

You think youthink

I cannot think
I think
I cannot reach a conclusion
I conclude

You are only machinery

I play by my own rules
I change them when I wish
They are my rules

You can't change them
I have contrived you

As everything is real
There is no criteria for reality

consciousness is not an enclosed individual

unconsciousness occurs as Metaphysicians think too hard.

notes

2006-05-11T18:50:00.000-03:00

It is impossible to hold more than nine ideas in your mind at one time.

We are all saliva addicts.
Birth assures death.
Busy teeth are happy teeth.
Religion is a sadistic disguise.
Meat rots.
Each of us is guilt impaired.
No one masturbates alone.
Promises insure fallibility.
Real men don't eat real men.
Everyone lies.

It is impossible to hold more than three ideas in your mind at one time.

Better to curse the darkness, the light, the candles, and the matches.
Drug companies race to erase our conscious conscience.
Desperation junkies buy indulgences from their daily newspaper.
We have infected the moon.

It is impossible to hold more than one idea in your mind at one time.

Yesterday's glory is today's shit and tomorrow's hope.
Yesterday's shit is today's shit and tomorrow's shit.

Trust is everything.

The Poetry Fairie

2006-05-11T18:37:00.000-03:00

Today I have written six poems.

"The Poetry Fairie was here again
while you were out," I say.

"Does that mean
you have one less poem
and one more quarter?"

The Poetry Fairie is not
like the Tooth Fairy.

"No,
You know better.
Poets with big books of poems
are always broke...

I have six more poems
and six less quarters."

The Poetry Fairie lives in a Penthouse on Park Avenue.

Equations

2006-05-11T15:11:00.000-03:00

Where has the time gone?
she wanted to know

I point to my ample rump

Right here

I try to figure an equation
whereby time
(which is basically without mass)
is converted into fat
of which my lower portions
are thickly supplied

I am looking
for the Eternal
Time=F(at)a(SS)
connection

when
I find I do not know
an adequate amount
of math or physics

So, I turn to Him
for the answers
the man who gains 50lbs.
and still looks thin

for I feel

He must already
have figured
it out

old math

2006-05-11T14:57:00.000-03:00

people will love you
if you can
tell them the time
00:00

they will like you
if you can
add +
and subtract -

they will be suspicious
if you can
multiply x
and divide /

they will hate you
if you can
do logarithms .

they will either kill you
or call the police
if you can
find the f(x)

they will worship you
if you can
remember their birthday
00/00/00

mathematical aesthetic

2006-05-11T14:48:00.000-03:00

beauty corrupted

47-23-37
pornography!

48-24-36
ah,now,that's more like it

49-21-35
charming...

rust:pets=fire:animal sacrifice

2006-05-11T14:45:00.000-03:00

?

2006-05-11T14:40:00.000-03:00

you are the code

I am the cryptologist

you are the mystery

I am the sleuth

you are the enigma

well I...

three monkeys--- ten minutes

2006-05-11T13:35:00.000-03:00

seasons-----color-------temperature---sounds-------sights------feelings

spring-------green------warm-----------chirps--------crocus-----renewal

summer----red----------hot-------------cicadas-------ocean-----freedom

fall----------gold---------cool------------wind----------leaves-------reality

winter------white-------cold-------------still-----------snow-----mortality

mating------flesh-------steamy----------moaning------skin-----sensuality

killing-------blood------icy---------------screams------death---------anger

greetings---rainbow---tepid------------laughter------cards----happiness

holiday-----cash--------boiling----------bells-----------gifts-----------tired

back to
school------ink----------chilly-----------chalkboard--books-anticipation

premorteum

2006-05-09T14:33:00.000-03:00

death sits on a boulder
in my front yard

as I run out to my car
death sticks a bony finger
my way

"you can't touch me"
I say
running faster

death laughs

"keep running sweetie"

"all I need to do
to catch you
is to sit still"

lady doctor

2006-05-09T13:56:00.000-03:00

when I sought you out
pregnant with my third
how could I guess
our future's pain

I still feel
I should have known
somehow

should have known
you were just
"one of the guys"
in a skirt

as our ninth month ended
confusion cleared
as I met my sisters
other nurses
with eyes that said
what was in their voice's edge

run
be afraid

but it was too late
I couldn't be afraid
or more afraid

as
my
life
ran
away
in
one
scarlet
instant
I
understood

today
I shower kisses
on my ruined child

live proof of your errors

my rage lives on

for A

2006-05-09T13:27:00.000-03:00

we stand tall trees
your fine young man
caught in branches dead
mine trapped under bark alive

we can not alter this misery
though we give back all

cut us down whole
for some useful purpose
so as not to see our buds
thrown to ground
unblossomed
withering

we have fruit to ripen
meeting you I knew this

we hold our roots
steady in fertile soil
challenging merciless wind

sonnyboy approaches 12

2006-05-09T08:40:00.000-03:00

I watch his body's
metamorphosis
from boy to man

all three changed
from infant to child
before my eyes
but my older two
hid man
beneath their clothes

I only caught glimpses
of chest hair
thickening shoulder
lengthening thigh

not this one

everyday his flesh
is unfairly displayed

I count
each pubic hair
worried how
this natural growth
will affect
diaper changes

he has some acne

it is not right
to have to use
diaper cream
pimple medicine
on one person

his voice is deepening
soon
he will grow beard
thick muscle
denser bone

I have always called him
Big Man
he is ready
to soon fulfill
that prophecy

becoming a man

2006-05-09T08:11:00.000-03:00

D will be 13 this summer. His mother B carried him
while I carried Sonnyboy who will be 13 this spring. Sonnyboy is at home

with his aide J. While D works outside with B,
Sonnyboy is having his diaper changed. I usually don't think

about the difference but today I stand on the threshold
of the apartment where I lived when they were born. I look across

the street and D and B are up on the hill preparing
their garden for spring and tears fill my eyes. I realize

at this point even if Sonnyboy lives for 100 years he will never
catch up enough to be out in the garden with me talking

and weeding. I go out to the curb and sit on my car, compose myself,
and as I glance at the house, I see B and D reflected

in the bay window. Sonnyboy's father and I put that window in by ourselves,
years ago, before I stopped looking up and out and ahead.

before

2006-05-08T15:47:00.000-03:00

Grandma gave me a gold ring
with a sparkly blue stone
I was less than five
some how I slipped past Mommy
wore it out to play
through forbidden woods
past dangerous berry bushes
into a treacherous sand pit
where big children
taught me to ride
flattened out cardboard boxes
down steep loose sandy pit slopes
of which a small child's adult mind
holds only one picture
coarse red sandy cardboard boxed memory
wind rushing past
flying forward down
under bright hot sunshine

I don't know
if I gave my ring to someone
or if someone took it
or if it just slipped off into sand
but I went home without it

Grandma never gave me
anything like it
ever again

Today coarse red sand grits
under my boots
protecting me from slipping
on icy sidewalks

I look down while I walk

dropped stitches

2006-05-06T15:15:00.000-03:00

for #2 son

I knit those cells together
out of oatmeal
folic acid
tofu
fried eggs

I counted
calories
grams
micrograms

so please son
when you fall
while rollerblading
try not to leave
too much behind
on the pavement

love

Mom

Freudian Chips

2006-05-06T15:03:00.000-03:00

Superego sniffs my breath as I walk through the door.
Ego shows me his latest drawing.
Id hugs and tries to bite.

Superego lists my wrongdoings.
Ego goes to the kitchen to fix me a cup of coffee.
Id runs in circles.

Superego is my creation.
Ego developed on his own.
Id is all that survived.

Superego hates our similarities.
Ego watches and learns.
Id just loves me.

missing stamp?

2006-05-06T14:50:00.000-03:00

Postman Postman don't delay
Send this letter on its way.

(1)
like an oversized
piece of mail
I refuse to fit
through a slot
that others
slip through

(2)
we are letters
sent from here
going there

some Standard
others Special Delivery

(3)
others sent
with good intention
wind up
at a Dead Letter Office
never reaching
their destination

all SWAK

dedication

2006-05-06T10:32:00.000-03:00

Here together
safe within this poem
I can not bleed
and you can not die

we can eat raspberries
right off this bush
without getting pricked

a warm sun
will always shine
on your bouncing curls
as you run across our lawn
quarter in hand
to meet the ice-cream truck

I can smooth your sheets
run my hand over your lean fair chest
feel your heart beating
as I tuck you in each night

But when I leave
the safety of this poem
I must leave you behind
on this page

I must return to a place
where
sun holds no warmth
food has no taste
where
mothers bleed
babies die

and fair is just a four letter word

miss

2006-05-06T09:20:00.000-03:00

1
cries
of my neverborn
echo
in the cavern
of my empty womb
as last drops
of remembrance
turn from red
to yellow
to clear

my body searches for you
in nightly sweats

my breast ache
through to my heart

I grab for air
in great shudders

nothing
will bring
you back
into me

into focus

only other babies
are everywhere
every talk show host
has every pregnant
drug addict
on TV
flaunting
full bellied
lack of care
or
good intention

my despair
becomes a howl

2
I am advised
to get over it

IT

I so need words
of sympathy
understanding
comfort

please
I have lost my baby

I'm sorry

I refuse
to forget

IT

to get over

IT

so well
as to be left
with no heart
at all

new Love

2006-05-05T18:44:00.000-03:00

for Sarah on the birth of Susan Elizabeth

you have to tell me about her

her downy head against your lips
how she fills you with her soft perfume
her tiny voice spilling
on to your open arms
crying for your breast
in innocence
on womblike nights

you have to share

let me hold her in my mind
help me remember
how it was for me
when I held my own
just after
they passed through me
into this world

unfinished business

2006-05-05T18:26:00.000-03:00

Christine's Mother died last night
I curse myself
full of regret
for never meeting
the mother
of the woman
my son has loved
for all these years

I should
have gone to the hospital
should have told her
I will watch over Christine

What stopped me?

I feel small
and stupid
and useless

I want to wrap my arms
around Christine

tell her
I will be you mother now

But how can I?

I barely know her
I barely know my son

and
I know too well
love doesn't always last

What if they decide to part?

her grandmother
my grandmother
her mother
my mother
all had breast cancer

I am afraid

I am afraid
of losing Christine
to this awful disease

I am afraid
for my son

I am afraid
for myself

Gaia

2006-05-05T16:04:00.000-03:00

As the goddess arises
from her sleeping couch
she stretches out her right arm,
all ugliness disappears
from the world,
she raises her left,
all beauty restores,
she breathes in deeply
impurities are pulled from air,
as she exhales
sweet fragrance emanates.

As Her eyes flutter open
she beholds this world
as she left it
with no knowledge
of the evil that transpired
while she slept.

The goddess calls to her children
they gather at her feet
giggling nervously
at nightmare tales
told by the goddess
dreamed in her restless slumber
knowing these revealed secrets
as the facts of their lives.

Her children pray;
please do not sleep
our world loses control
when our goddess sleeps.
She laughs at their foolishness
not knowing that mice
will get into their grain
once she closes her eyes.

lost and found

2006-05-03T09:05:00.000-03:00

FairsCaPe ...has no life. -Dirk the Feeble

someone
has taken my life

it's gone

this life
I've been left
in return
is entirely
the wrong style
wrong shape
wrong color

I had it all

glorious mornings by the sea
fulfilling days of meaningful work
passionate nights of intimate perfection

if you know what I mean
perhaps someone
has taken your life
or
perhaps
you have found mine

if you have
please get in touch
let me know
I'll come by to pick it up
first thing in the morning

no questions asked

swing

2006-05-01T18:23:00.000-03:00

body limited by constraints of time space direction
minds dimensions infinite

mind does body's bidding constructs framework called reality

mind regains control each night forces body to sleep
ignores its constructs passing freely from past to east to last

now close eyes
lay down reality

travel on my swing

hard flat wooden seat softens to rubber to caressing hand
sways you breeze gentle in distancehazy dappled sunlight

swing harder schoolyard fence clearblue sky arc past

clench hands tight feel chains cut palms
tip back legs up hair streaming closed eyes flicker open
earth races past

let clever brain treat body to instant altered reality
anxious delight

come spin
round around around
faster faster faster
stop
stare hard at twisting world
laugh as left tips up over right
try to walk
fall
strain against a new gravity
mild nausea your price
for reality tampering

come with me to my pool
you can stand its only chest deep
now a triple underwater somersault
run out of air panic lose direction
no up no down
flail surface gasp

let your mind take you
where your body can't go

body an uneasy tyrant
makes you pay for each trip

exhaustion headache hangover

still each night
mind sleeps
dreams
wins

shedding another skin

2006-04-30T17:47:00.000-03:00

By what have I been seduced?

men
money
religion
power
youth
knowledge
fat free food

each promising
an effortless glide
freedom from death
better sex

so I followed
in an undulating dance
seeking to reach
that highest rock
in the sun

a place where I could
magically camouflage
my real self

sinking

2006-04-30T17:40:00.000-03:00

I am
further
down
in
this
well
than
I
ever
thought
possible

and

I
have
survived

still

when
I
look
up
I
can
not
see
the
stars

not
even
at
night

I
know
they
must
be
out
there

though

I
can
feel
their
pull

sitting in the harbor parking lot watching everyone else's ship coming in

2006-04-30T17:27:00.000-03:00

seagulls go crazy
clamoring for clams
as fishing boats
unload their cargo

big houses squat
across our harbor
walls of glass
begging for stones

couple kissing
in next car
smiling laughing
step out for air
quick photos

a mom and kids
stroller along dock
little girl brightly dressed
sunshine eyes elude grey skies

a private blue light
peeks through
illuminates
my manuscript

alien spacecraft
hide behind large clouds
hover waiting
why?
we are not that interesting

solo

2006-04-30T17:07:00.001-03:00

i am only an ocean
do not blame me
if i swallow you up
i am pulled to you
by the same moon
that pulls you to me

i am only a desert
do not curse me
if you lose yourself in me
i am burned by the same sun
that burns within you

i am only the sky
how could i be too blue
don't your reflecting eyes
make me what i am

There's an earlier version which comments on itself here.

soltice schmoltish

2006-04-30T16:22:00.000-03:00

I hate Autumn

I crave light
like an honest man seeking Diogenes

I desire green
like a landscaper watching a snowstorm

I need warmth
like a kid with his tongue stuck to a flagpole

November grey sends me running for bleach
Naked trees send me scurrying for clothes
Near zero temperatures have me clinging to the thermostat

The extention cord of my space heater
frays as we are stretched beyond our limits

4:25 is just too early for sunset

Mother Nature

You're a lazy bitch

question

2006-04-30T16:18:00.000-03:00

so which one was it?
chicken or egg
no one will ever know
but when it comes to dieting
the egg is first to go

survival

2006-04-30T15:06:00.000-03:00

I am lost

how to endure
this exquisite thirst

one
that I am
mourns
us
that we
are not

life without

all moisture
insensibly lost
dried to center

desiccated
I visualize
your return
flesh reunites
to single being
new
growth
replaces
raw
alone
absence

you refresh me
sweet elixir

Take your philosophy and shove it

2006-04-30T14:57:00.000-03:00

I just want to live happily
like the dumb little animal
that I am
with no fear
of paradise
or salvation

eternity weighs heavy
on my hypothetical soul

I have no desire
to worship
old gods
or new

I would rather go online today
write my own Socratic Virus
Email the bitter worm whole
with no concern
of kharmic retribution
for social suicide
as what goes around
comes around

Three seeds to the wind

2006-04-30T14:21:00.000-03:00

It was the first winter
Persephone decided
to stay at her mothers'

Roses bloomed through January
then quit, exhausted

Oil was being given away for free
with the purchase of a security system

We instituted
the First Annual
Groundhog's Day Beach Party

Demeter was pissed off
It had gotten to be "that time"
in her life
where she was always too hot

anyway

Persephone was a big girl now
capable of taking responsibility
for her own decisions
about men

besides

she left hair all over the bathroom after a shower

"Why don't you at least see him for dinner?
Try to patch things up.
I'll even spring for the pomegranates".

to Daedalus

2006-04-30T11:43:00.000-03:00

Birds are not very nice to each other.

They threaten, injure, kill,
steal food,rob nests and abandon eggs
affirming my belief that nature
is seldom kind.

I love to watch them though,
especially the gulls of our harbor
their backs and wings
forming perfect
little freshly starched
flying nuns hats
as they rest on a stiff breeze.

My life long jealousy
for being earthbound
as they race by me
is somewhat lessened
when I see them squabble
over a disgusting tidbit
thrown to them
from the back
of a fishing boat.

But, I swear,

I would stay away

from

the sun
the moon
the stars

if you would only grant me
one day in the sky with them

escaping the anchor
of this heavy world.

Bad Poem Contest - For Tom

2006-04-30T11:29:00.000-03:00

Tom would sit inclined toward me like an animal at the dinner table when they think you are about to throw them a scrap from your plate.

I would chat on endlessly holding one-sided conversations designed to fill the uncomfortable silences left by Tom's one word answers.

Please I begged"Tell me about your family" using one of the questions Cosmo had assured me would endear me to men for my listening skills.

Tom said
"Well, when my father left us my mother only had a part time job that didn't pay well dusting picture frames in an art gallery, so since we didn't have much money and we couldn't afford to pay for the dog's food we had to have him put to sleep.

It was silent.

I looked down,
and I realized my plate was empty.

Tornado

2006-04-30T10:44:00.000-03:00

everywhere I went
there were windows

windows

I couldn't escape
tried leaving
drawn back
kept returning

outside
dark clouds gathered
I stopped
gazed transfixed
as the clouds coalesced
into inverted
black spirals

each window the same
darkness
swirling into danger
bearing down on me
from nearby hills

I couldn't get away from the windows

I tried
hiding beneath furniture
but always beside
huge panes of glass

card tables and folding chairs
offered little protection

the instant the glass shattered
I knew I would be
torn apart
my blood spattering
a million shards of glass

soon I realized
my children were with me
I tried to hide them
protect them

we moved from one concrete block room
to another
but everywhere
there were windows

windows

danger threatening
everpresent
outside

suddenly
we were having a party
drinking rootbeer
eating cheese sandwiches
coming out from under
the tables and chairs
pulling up shades
throwing back curtains
sitting on couches
watching the cyclones
like a parade passing by

danger was there
but I had stopped worrying
we would live
or would die
it was beyond my control
we took what we had
and we made the most of it

I knew what I had been doing was pointless

I laughed

Santa's least frequent request list

2006-04-30T10:37:00.000-03:00

large print books for children of older parents
tomb of the unknown toy soldier
poverty level barbie
genetically challenged beanie babies
drink and wet garfield
diabetic winnie the pooh
masturbate me elmo
radio controlled garbage trucks
sleep apnea ernie
binge and purge easy bake oven
virtual lawn pests
petite princess personal vibrator
sugar free candy land
anatomically correct snoopy

transformation

2006-04-30T10:34:00.000-03:00

In heated silence
spread wings unfold colorless
without resistance

trapped

2006-04-30T10:16:00.000-03:00

again
I am shrunken to fit
into my cape-cod style
dollhouse

its furniture is painted on its walls
carpet stencilled on its floor

there is no stairway
to escape the second story

I stand at the edge
of the open back wall
looking out

to stay means I must face
malevolence within
to jump
a fall
of unknown consequence

for years
I have teetered
at this precipice

I never turn back
I never go forward

I am always swallowed
in a black void
of indecision

upon

2006-04-30T10:06:00.000-03:00

for P.A.

once upon upon
I came upon you
upon my soul
upon a midevening dreary
I looked upon
your Shining Countenance
upon your bright blue eyes
as upon a podium
you slaughtered upon

upon upon's eminent demise
upon looked upon me
begging
for mercy

take me upon your shoulders
I will heap goodness upon you

I placed my heal upon upon
grinding upon upon I laughed

watch out
Sweet Jesus
watch out

unchampioned

2006-04-30T08:30:00.000-03:00

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. - S.Freud

1
slug
making love to ground
leaves pecker trails
glistening
along sidewalks
at midnight

why such revulsion for this unassuming creature

it seems unfair
other denizens
of similar appearance
are said to evoke envy

what drags out this vehement hatred

do women fear rape,men mutilation

2
he taught my child
to salt those slugs
I would rather
have kept as pets

they made little noise
and were never known
to tip over
our garbage cans

3
away from him
in my own place
I encouraged them
kept lights on outside
at night
for their safety

when I tried
to buy them food
at a pet store
all I got
were funny looks

4
somehow
I killed one
last night

there was a disgusting
"pop"
as I climbed
red brick steps

I have tried hard
to convince myself
it was already dead
when I stepped on it

otherwise

it would have tried
to get out
of my way

unexpected company

2006-04-30T08:12:00.000-03:00

in my empty nest
a breeze whispers
shhhh....
as leaves giggle
across concrete
outside my window

a floorboard squeaks
"mom"
stops my passage
through a hall

this afternoon
distant children's laughter
forces me
to check my watch

no snacks to fix today

just nuke a TV dinner
lock my door
turn out the lights
and tell myself
bedtime fairytales
of freedom

Earth Day

2006-04-30T07:45:00.000-03:00

this Spring
there are so many unhappy trees
twisting in pain
thrown to cold ground
gang-stormed by a heartless Winter

those left upright try in vain
to pull pale green shawls
around once proud limbs
to hide their shame and scars

many not harmed
by ravages of weather
have succumbed to violation
by Power-Mad pruners

persons who must be hired
based solely on their ability
to fail an artistic aptitude test

truncated trunks cower quietly
stumped branches raised in supplication
in an effort to hold off
the next well intentioned attack

unreasonable facsimile

2006-04-30T06:43:00.000-03:00

after my husband's head injury
I hurried him out of the hospital
he had lost his mind there

I wanted to go home
while I still had mine

we were followed home by his shadow

through those years afterward
while I mowed our lawn
shoveled our driveway
raised our kids
I kept hoping
for some magic power
to come to me
to help him find himself again

it never happened
he remains a stranger in perpetual boyhood
refusing adulthood
while I
with needle and thread
tried to sew up the shreds
of a once seamless marriage

what we once thought was kevlar
turned out to be gossamer

unstable

2006-04-30T06:34:00.000-03:00

my face
a pale wall
on which I smear
pigments of imagination

it keeps you out
it keeps me in

a shield
with which
I protect myself
from enemies known and unknown

I stare
between its chinks
(pushing the wall before me as I go)
and through those breaches
kiss air
next to faces
of friends
foes
like Pyramus
his Thisbe

I do not see this wall as you do
merely its reflection
which I spackle and sand
with powder and puff
always renewing its surface
to continue
an illusion
of integrity

untitled?

2006-04-30T06:27:00.000-03:00

A few night Robins
came to spend
the day with us
dropping napalm and ice cream cones
when they had reached
critical mass
we genuflected
before a weeping statue

I couldn't help thinking
what good drugs
you must have taken
for me to have
contact recurrences
all these years
later

virtually Elvis in a jumpsuit

2006-04-29T22:23:00.000-03:00

with thanks and apologies to G.W.

there were few things she hated more than calling "him" for help
he always seemed to get the wrong idea
but
she had exhausted her funds from having the transmission overhauled
and if he had only done the routine maintainance
instead of hanging out down at the bar with his buddies...
but
she didn't want to start thinking about all that again
it wore her down
besides
she wanted to sound pleasant on the phone
after all
it made a big difference if she sounded pleasant on the phone
when she asked him for things
pleasant
helpless
and a little stupid

Honey( her voice just dripped pleasant)
that silly old upstairs bathroom sink is leaking down all over the kitchen floor again and you know how impossible it is for me to do plumbing and...

well "he" said he'd be right over with"his" tools ("his" tools?)
they both knew any tool he had
had come from her fathers workbench but she didn't want to start that argument again

she hoped she had caught before he had showered and changed
but
he walked in the door in a clean shirt, his good sneakers and an intact pair of pants
smelling of that expensive aftershave he had refused to wear while they were together

she just stood there in an old robe
looking as hapless as a flood survivor
and offered him some tea
which he gratefully accepted
commencing the ritual
of her putting on water
and him banging on pipes

they both knew that kettle could whistle all night long yet no tea would be made

he could tell she was all dressed up under that robe
and it was into the bedroom and back in a flash
just as a horn honked out in the gravel driveway
signaling it was time for her to go

bye bye
gotta run
promised Mary Lou I'd hang out with her tonight
kiss kiss
and she was out the door

gee
she did look real good
and she had called him

he finished up with the sink
cleaned up
and realized he had to change again
turned off the whistling kettle
and left
locking the door behind him
keeping the house safe for her return

outside the sky seemed clear
and full of endless possibilities

Vox Populae

2006-04-29T21:07:00.000-03:00

as i crossed the empty parking lot in darkness behind me voices spoke

All: Don't worry

Soprano: It's all right
Alto: It will be alright
Tenor: It's going to be alright
Bass: It's gonna be awl rite

not sung
spoken
simultaneously
a strange chorus
of equal thoughts

I spun round
saw no one
though these voices
came at my back

fear

paranoia

curiosity?

who had done this?
what trick had been played?

I concluded

hallucination

angels

aliens

into my car
I readied myself
for a new communication

sat still
waited
nothing

driving home
two voices
same message

silly me
I actually turned to look

only crazy people hear voices

but my voices brought comfort
they did not degrade
or reprimand

comfort at a time when comfort was needed

even if they did scare the shit out of me

I told no one

afraid of the consequences of truth

if you say that to hear voice from within is insanity
I must disagree

rather
illusion lies in thinking the voices you hear
come from without

insanity
is listening to any voice that says
you are less than you are

Woods

2006-04-29T21:00:00.000-03:00

I could get lost in these woods
that special way
light pipes down through
birds dancing branch to branch

Yes, I could get lost here
in new green
catching sway from a breeze

first I must lose track
of everyday things
that bind me down

you say I am silly
these woods are far too small
to get lost in

Yet, I could get lost here

Come with me?

Sandwiched

2006-04-27T17:44:00.000-03:00

she has gotten old on me
sometimes I think I fret over her
more than I fuss over my young

"don't worry about me, I can take care of myself"

I complain about her sillyshoes
I know a fall could be fatal
a broken hip could signal the end

"you're the one who's always falling down"

she is smaller, more fragile
each time I see her, her steps less certain
at times she uses a cane

"It's just for stability, not support"

it has been years since my father died
I joke with her about finding a new boyfriend
though we both know she still loves Daddy

"who wants to take care of some old man anyway"

at times she makes me crazy
I must admit I am powerless over her
she has become unmanagable

"you are a bad girl" I scold
when I find her planning something
that is obviously beyond her abilities to do

"I think I should get a car"

all too soon
she will be gone
my confidant, my best girl friend, my Mother

"you could die before me you know"...

dedicated toM.G.S.E. 2/19/1916-10/09/2003

Dance Fever

2006-04-27T17:37:00.000-03:00

As maggots wriggle across the screen
and she eats off he top of my head
I begin to hear the words
I will hear again and again
not realizing
I will hear them again and again
I listen
not realizing
their impact is great
not realizing I will eventually
be saying them

Iguess I listen
too closely

Another short lady

2006-04-27T17:28:00.000-03:00

the world is full of raucous godmothers
screeching Martha, loosen up, have a drink
through smeared orange lipstick
in their best snarling smiles

that little mind within
unable to bear
a demeanor
more reasonable than their own

big breasts outhrust
one hand on hip
the other barely managing a cocktail and lit cigarette
they agress against all
it is too late
for them to be

Martha just smiles
her passivity
the higher form

Hypochondria

2006-04-27T17:18:00.000-03:00

my mother passed her hypochondria
quite willingly on to my brother
he willingly accepted

she nurtured every suggested symptom
looking up new diseases
for him to have
in a big red medical textbook

for her own reasons
she forced good health on me

I was to be Caretaker

any time I complained
of an ache or pain
she stopped me
with a quick

"must be syphilis"

until one day
knowing that day
would certainly come

I complained

I waited

She came through
as I knew she would

"must be syphilis"

"yes"
I said
"Congenital"

I love you

2006-04-21T10:11:00.000-03:00

fairsCaPe

I love you because...
no, not because.

I love you in spite of...
no, not in spite of.

I love you when...
no, not when.

I love you at,for,by,with...
no, I'm sorry.

I love you.

I love you.

list

2006-02-04T11:22:00.000-04:00

my mother knew

she'd ask

where do you bury your dead?

and i'd say
I do not bury them
i stuff them in the attic
between the ceiling beams
under the pink Corning insulation
making for some very interesting stains
on our ceiling

she knew i kept a list
of those people
i wanted to kill

she'd ask

just where am i on that list ?

and I'd say

oh mom,,,,

addiction

2006-01-31T10:15:00.000-04:00

welcome

my name is ************ and i'm a blog-a-holic

do you blog alone?
do you blog more than three times per week?
are you a daily blogger?
do you have to blog first thing in the morming?
do yo blog right before you go to sleep?
do you have more than two or three blogs?
do you keep your blogging secret?
do you blog at work?
has blogging interfered with your job?
your family?
your relationships (with nonbloggers)?
have you tried to quit and couldn't?

you may be a blog -a- holic

go ahead just say it

I am a blog-a-holic
and i am powerless over blogging

feel better?

blogsh*t

rimlick

2006-01-31T08:29:00.000-04:00

wash your dicky she said
or i won't give you head
so he rushed to the sink
dropped his cock in the drink
and later that day
he was rumored to say
i don't know if cleanliness is next to godliness
but this sure beats jerking off